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 Doug |
Insanity |
Lead | |
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Posts: 180 (06/19/03 17:38:53) |
Repeating the same behavior over and over, and expecting different results.
My using was like this. Every day I would use and abuse. And every day I thought somehow my life might get better, with out me having to do anything different. |
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hadenuff |
Re: Insanity | ||
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Posts: 5 (06/19/03 18:34:53) |
When I was first put down the drink and the drug I felt that getting clean and sober was the hardest thing I ever tried to do in my life. In many ways it was. For many years I just accepted that being an alcoholic and addict was just the way I was and I would be that way until I died. Today I am so grateful that I see that living the life of drinking and drugging was what was hard. Life is so much better sober despite the ups and downs. When the thought of a drink comes into my mind I think about something else, pray and it passes. In my heart I know that it just does not work anymore, it will not make anything better, will not solve my problems, it just makes things so much worse. That I feel this way I truly believe it is my Higher Power working in my life. For so many years I couldn't get one day clean. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to to sanity. I am still crazy but today I have hope.
H |
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Searchingsteph |
Re: Insanity | ||
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Posts: 134 (06/19/03 20:40:29) |
Wow Hadenuff,
You sound so great!! I am way impressed. I remember posting numerous times on that thread "I have 7 days" I think that was it. Anyway, I can relate to the change in feeling. I think for me it came from hitting bottom over and over and finally surrendering. Although it seemed like things would get good and I would forget. Now it's just a given. I don't even think of drinking as an option. That is truly HP working in my life. |
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100dotcom |
Re: Insanity | ||
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Posts: 58 (04/06/04 20:19:32) |
Insanity. I think I turned the insanity of my using life on the street into... the norm for me! Maybe I was in denial. Or more likely I had to make it right in my mind. It was always justified. To think I would want to justify such damaging behaviors.
The insanity for me now... I cannot put my finger on it at the moment. But, I let what my coworkers, parents, family, friends think of what i do (whatever it is) control my actions sometimes. It haunts me and I replay what I say over and over... But I try so hard to stop it in its tracks and boost my confidence. It does seem insane though at times. Or I feel like I should be doing more. And want to push myself to do more. But the more I do, the more I find that is wrong with me! Then, I feel I have to do more! Never ending cycle of insane thinking. Some OCD habits, old rituals do pop up now and then. And that is way insane. Why in the world? I ask myself? Hey, at least now I can identify it! LOL That really makes a difference! 12 steps really help with these pesky rituals. If I am powerless over everything, that includes the OCD. Although I know it will always have a foot in the door. That is just who I am. Thanks for letting me share! dot |
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