hello everyone..... I 've been having a rough few days.....
weeks, months, ok, years, who am I kidding???
but these past few days have been really hard. My girlfriend broke up w/ me a few weeks ago for some "time apart", to "get ourselves together", etc.... and I'm a basket-case over it. I've done my fare share of things to mess our relationship up, but now my greatest fear is that she wont see me doing "better"...... it was too hard to "stay friends", so now were not on speaking terms (my doing, I found it too hard, not knowing if she would call me or not... losing sleep over it, so I told her not to call) and I'm having a hard time focusing on myself, feeling like I pushed her away, and now it might be too late..... I've never been in this position before.
And really I just need her to understand this is a process. I've only gotten drunk once since Dec. 14th (when I went into rehab) and had the slip a month ago, and last week I went to a bar (stupidly after trying-unsuccessfully-to get her back) was midway through my second beer, caught my reflection in the mirror behind the bar, and left in disgust.... (I'm certainly not going to use her as an excuse to get all messed up again)
and she thinks I'm not trying hard enough. I wasnt really going to meetings before, which I've begun in earnest again, and I plan on going to an outpatient support group as well.... I'm in therapy 2x a week, taking my meds, and trying REALLY hard to get my life back under control. Yesterday I joined the other board (thankfully this is here) and I'm looking for support, asking questions, doing everything I can......
I'm trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself, sorry to go on about my relationship troubles, but does anyone have any advice for me?? it would be appreciated......
wishing you all well in recoveryland.....
evan
weeks, months, ok, years, who am I kidding???
but these past few days have been really hard. My girlfriend broke up w/ me a few weeks ago for some "time apart", to "get ourselves together", etc.... and I'm a basket-case over it. I've done my fare share of things to mess our relationship up, but now my greatest fear is that she wont see me doing "better"...... it was too hard to "stay friends", so now were not on speaking terms (my doing, I found it too hard, not knowing if she would call me or not... losing sleep over it, so I told her not to call) and I'm having a hard time focusing on myself, feeling like I pushed her away, and now it might be too late..... I've never been in this position before.
And really I just need her to understand this is a process. I've only gotten drunk once since Dec. 14th (when I went into rehab) and had the slip a month ago, and last week I went to a bar (stupidly after trying-unsuccessfully-to get her back) was midway through my second beer, caught my reflection in the mirror behind the bar, and left in disgust.... (I'm certainly not going to use her as an excuse to get all messed up again)
and she thinks I'm not trying hard enough. I wasnt really going to meetings before, which I've begun in earnest again, and I plan on going to an outpatient support group as well.... I'm in therapy 2x a week, taking my meds, and trying REALLY hard to get my life back under control. Yesterday I joined the other board (thankfully this is here) and I'm looking for support, asking questions, doing everything I can......
I'm trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself, sorry to go on about my relationship troubles, but does anyone have any advice for me?? it would be appreciated......
wishing you all well in recoveryland.....
evan
